A hard lesson learned

Today marks the beginning of the end, the end of one of the hardest times in my young life. For all of you who don’t know I broke my leg and messed up my ankle during my first week of college. Perfect way to start off right? It’s now 15 weeks later and I’ve had two surgeries on my ankle and haven’t even taken a step with my left leg in the last three or four months. It definitely isn’t the way I planned for my college experience to begin, especially since I thrive on competition and haven’t had any in quite some time, but I must confess that I’ve learned a lot about myself in the process. At first I was really pissed. There’s no other way to describe it. For the most part I just laid around feeling sorry for myself for the first month or so. Needless to say this was some of the least productive time ever in my life. Then God challenged me to get up and do more. So I did. It hasn’t been easy to try to live a normal life but I’ve done the very best I could. I’ve learned that when disaster strikes a man learns what he’s really made of. My favorite quote from Martin Luther King Jr. describes this “the ultimate measure of a man isn’t where he stands of moments of comfort and convenience, but in moments of challenge and controversy.” (that’s probably not exactly word for word so don’t hold me to it) I’ve always loved that quote, but never really had to live it before this. I’ve also learned something about the competition that I love so much. I’m blessed just to have it. There are thousands of people my age who physically can’t play ultimate Frisbee, golf, or soccer. It’s not my job to throw a temper tantrum when I don’t score, or gloat when I do. Instead it’s my job to enjoy it and to give my teammates the credit they deserve. To anyone out there who loves to compete like I do I offer a challenge, next time you play your favorite sport don’t say a word. You can still give high fives and point and your teammates when they make a good play to show them some love, but just keep your mouth shut otherwise. You will either love it or hate it. If you love it then you know exactly what I’ve learned that little things like this should be cherished. And after all without my God given ability I wouldn’t be able to play anyway, so I guess the glory all belongs to Him.

The Three Highly Underappreciated Wisemen

As I started reading Matthew something stuck out at me that never had before. The role of the three wise men/magi seems minor, especially once compared to other characters in the story. Yet, it becomes apparent to me that these 3 men were incredible figures. They left their home which was a great distance away just to follow a star because they believed it was a symbol of their coming king. Just convincing yourself to go on such a trip must be impossibly hard, but actually fulfilling the trip is even harder. Especially since you must consider that the star didn’t stay in one place… it kept moving. So there had to be a large period of time when they were making no ground up or even possibly losing ground which we would consider unbearable. Working so hard all day just because you believe in something but for a long time it looks like you are just standing still or falling farther and farther behind. It is also important to remember that they weren’t just like walking down a street as we know it today or even just going for a stroll through the woods. Instead they had dirt paths at best and most likely a lot of, for lack of a better word, luggage that they and their servants carried. So with all these things in mind it is easy to understand why the author says in Matt. 2.10 “When they saw that the star had stopped , they were overwhelmed with joy.” I would be pretty excited too after traveling for months or years towards a target that never gets any closer with very heavy equipment and probably not always the best place to stay and walking shoes that are far from our modern day Nike and Reebok and all of a sudden your faith gets rewarded by the star finally resting in one position. I would probably break down and cry just because I’d be so excited. Once there, all these three men did was give gifts to a baby who probably couldn’t have even realized what they were or were used for and then they got on their way back. Oh but there’s a catch it’s not like they can take some magic portal and he back in their beds at home…. They have to walk all that way back. But even more than that they can’t even go home the way that they came, instead they have to take some random and obscure road because they had this weird dream that told them not to go back to Herod. So what’s the point in this story. Well it’s the seemingly immeasurable lengths these three men were willing to go just to get a glimpse of the Messiah, even in infant form, and to lay a gift at his feet. It seems kind of funny that they can walk for miles and miles, days and days, to give their offering and they do it happily and we many times write a check or take a twenty out of our wallet as the collection plate passes just so the people next to us don’t look at us funny. So even when it’s not Christmas and I am giving tithes and offerings I will try to think of these three wise men and their generosity and there incredible faith.

In Awe of God

It’s 2 in the morning and I have an 8 o clock class tomorrow yet here I am typing on my computer because of one thing. I’m in awe of God. Kind of a weird time I know… theres no sunset or sunrise theres no beautiful sky and birds singing but yet for once everything in my life is still and peace and I have a moment to enjoy it. While sitting here I realized something I’m in a new place in a tough situation and I’ve been trying to make the best of it, but God has given me all the tools necessary to thrive in this environment. Just to start I don’t know many people here but the ones that I do know are willing to help me with nearly anything I need which is incredible how they are all so selfless so often… Maybe I can learn from that. God has also given me the gifts within myself to do this because God wouldn’t give me a test I couldn’t pass because He doesn’t set people up for failure. He also continues to reveal in me new strengths I never knew I possessed like the ability to listen instead of speaking. Sounds kinda simple but a lot of times before I would be so anxious to get to my next point I wouldn’t listen to what the other person was saying. Yet now I can honestly say I know what’s going on in my friends lives and I had lost sight of that for a while. The thing with going to college is you see things so don’t like but that’s bound to happen anywhere in the world. It is a lot better and a lot healthier to instead thank God for all that which he has given us that is good and try to fix or improve things that we don’t like. If the world was perfect then walking the Christian life would be easy. And it’s not….. It goes back to my old quote: life aint always easy but man is it fun. That’s the way to look at it and approach it, I just lost sight of it for a while.

God is Everywhere

God is everywhere… What an incredibly tacky and cliché statement, but yet it is true. In my old age, well not quite, I’ve become very tired of hearing this, but I finally realize it’s true. God is in the rain….. This I definitely realized a few nights ago when I was worshiping in the chapel with some friends. It began pouring outside and Trey and Joe, who where leading the worship, instantly transitioned to praise songs about the rain. Before I knew it I was out in the pouring rain on my knees, staring face to face with my Lord and Savior. Moments like that are so rare but so perfect. I long for those moments but they are so spontaneous and unpredictable that I can never plan them, but I’m never closer to God then I am in those moments. That moment has left it’s mark on me. Everywhere I go now I cant help but notice God in things. God is in the stars, God is in the wind, God is in us. Then I got to thinking as I often do…. God isn’t in stuff really is he? I don’t think He is in stuff…. I think He is everything… God isn’t in the rain, stars, wind, and us. He is us…. Some of you are thinking that I may be stretching it a little bit with the reference to us but I would disagree. Christ makes us new creations when we enter into a new life with Him and we are called to be HIS BODY. He’s not entering into our body. God is us because we do God’s work. Now in no way am I saying we are God and that we can do whatever we want; in fact that’s the exact opposite of what I’m saying. Maybe here is a better analogy. God is like the coach of a team. He teaches us. He prepares us. He guides us. But then we have to go play. We have to go out and get dirty. Now sometimes we strike out and others we hit a homerun…. I strike out a lot. Sometimes God gives you the loving caring approach to get you to try harder and other times He needs you to tell you that you are aren’t swinging right so that you can do better the next time. The good news is life isn’t about winning or losing because God already won the game for us. What kind of coach can do that? Our job is to just go out and try. We don’t have to win the race…. Just finish…. Blessed be The Lord Almighty. Amen

False Ideals

I’m tired of false ideals. I’m tired of trying to live up to that perfect image of the good Christian boy that never makes any mistakes. Lets face it I screw up a hell of a lot too. I’ve come to realize that life is about a lot more than just being true to everyone else, it’s ultimately about being true to yourself and being true to God. I get so disappointed in the way things are right now. I’m disappointed with the way things happen around me whether it’s at school or throughout the entire world. I’m disappointed with myself and the way I am a lot better at looking like a saint then just admitting that I’m a sinner and I’m disappointed that even at my lowest and loneliest moments I find it hard to fully trust in God and trust that He is working for the best in my life…. Not exactly something the good Christian boy usually admits. I realized something yesterday though, it’s just a shame it took my step-cousin dying to realize it. I’m human. I’m going to screw up on a daily basis because I am human and ultimately I too will die. I can’t deny that death scares me but I do look forward to standing face to face with God… it’s just that when I get there do I want him to shake His head at me and say “but I had so much more planned for you?” No that’s not what I want and that’s not what I’ll have when I die I want the “well done my good and faithful servant” not a statement that makes me realize that there was so much more I could have done. But what difference can I possibly hope to make the world is so screwed up Matthew, my step-cousin, died because he was a manager at a Gamestop and someone wanted his car and money ,can I possibly change a world that screwed up. Not to mention at my last job our Brinks man got beat so bad he lost sight in one eye about 20 feet from where I was standing. How can I affect someone who will do something that senseless and selfish. I guess I just have to do that which I have been unable to do in moments of crisis, I have to let go. I can’t do anything to help those people I don’t even know them, but God can do it. Although it is far too easy to just say well God can do it when in fact he wants me to do it with Him. That whole I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me idea. Will death and senseless violence stop in my lifetime certainly not but Christ would have me work to show love and compassion that I may make some difference in the life of someone. Because violence is the product of hate and hate is the opposite of love so only through Christ’s love the perfect love can we hope to end violence. I just pray that I have the strength and the courage to go forth and do those tasks that have been given to me and if I don’t have them I can pray God will give them to me. For my body is weak but my spirit is willing so Lord I pray that you will take me and begin to mold me to your ideals to your ways and with your Love. Amen

Pride

Flaws are a very funny thing. It’s really easy to see them in another person, but very difficult to see them in yourself. Take what just happened for instance. Me and a friend of mine just had a minor fight and I can’t stop thinking oh damn him and his pride, but yet I can’t deny that it wouldn’t have happened without a good deal of pride on my part as well. Everyone can see flaws in others but many times we don’t realize them in ourselves until someone else points that out…. I wonder why that is. Ironically for me it’s probably because my pride hides them from myself. I even know where my pride comes from, it’s the whole you can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens you except taken way too far and outa context. I think in some sick way that admitting I can’t or shouldn’t do something makes me a failure to God and those closest to me…. It’s really rather scary. There are others I refuse to admit besides pride: how about greed, anger, jealousy, and being untruthful just to name a few. I just think my pride helps me deny the existence of all these. Naturally, the part of Christ in me won’t let me completely ignore the fact that they exist because they are all things that hold me back from doing His work. But I really want to, really I do…. But where to start? How does someone go about ridding themselves of wicked thoughts when thoughts are so hard to control? I’m not sure I have the wisdom required to answer these questions but I know where to find some things that may help. The first thing I must do is listen to the words of Galatians 6: 1-6 that says “Brothers if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he should take pride in himself, without comparing himself to anyone else for each one should carry his own load. Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor.” It’s kinda nice to find a large portion of what your struggling with nearly word for word in the Bible, it atleast means I’m not the first. So basically I should be proud of what I can do, but only that which I do through the help of The Almighty and I should never compare myself to others. Meaning if I play the best game I can and lose then I should be satisfied? Man I’ve got a long way to go to get there. Yet I do like that this passage doesn’t necessarily encourage complacency either because it should be that I want to be better for the glory of God and for my own feeling of accomplishment not because I want to beat someone else or be better than someone else. This even pours over into arguments maybe whats best for me is to occasionally concede an argument instead of going purple in the face yelling and screaming. With pride gone could I begin to work on all the other areas of my life that need such help? I hope so but either way I know that this is the place to start. Now changing 18 years of a certain way of thinking isn’t gonna be easy and I cant expect to just be perfect now that I’ve admitted I have a problem but I can hope to get better. Life is a race that leads to a very nice finish line but one single step can direct me off the path or bring me back on it, I just hope this is the step I needed. I have to approach all competition and all life like this because the point of this race isn’t to get there faster than everyone else. The point is to get there. I just pray that I can continue to be sincere in my desire to strive to improve myself so I can further glorify God instead of trying to further glorify myself. But for now all I can do is just take one more step…..Amen